the way i see it

If you've ever gone to Starbucks before, you've probably noticed the "The Way I See It" campaign, in which contemporary people submit their two cents to be published on the side of hot cups. Published individuals include Moby, Michelle Kwan, David Cross, and even Bill Taylor, who is President and CEO of the Atlantic Salmon Corporation (and my personal hero). The dainty little quotations are supposed to spark up conversation or debate amongst customers (or "guests," as we call them at Target). Unfortunately, most of the people that stop by our particular coffee bar are too preoccupied with their eight kids to notice them. And even if they did, Bobby Jr. probably doesn't have much to say about schools being as segregated today as they were in 1969, and how racism is a problem we have proven unequal to face.

Today my whole world shattered when no one came up to order a frappacino or grande non-fat pumpkin spice latte for like two seconds. I had already been working for six hours and I was tired out. (Early on I had to deal with a guy who got offended when he yelled "YOU NEED MORE HALF N' HALF" in my ear and I jumped out of my skin. How do you explain that? Why was he offended? Maybe I'm not "awfully jumpy," maybe he just shouldn't have shouted while he was standing three inches away from me.) Anyway, I decided to take a break from the normal "you don't have a customer so do this instead" duties--stocking, making more brewed coffee, washing off the counter, sampling, refilling the pastry case, etc.--and looked at the "The Way I See It" brochure. As it turns out, any ol' dude can submit their two cents to Starbucks to be considered for publication.

As you can imagine I felt very inspired. Here I could potentially reach thousands or Starbucks costumers all over the world. (I wonder if they translate the quotations for Starbucks in other countries, or if they just assume that everyone should know English, or if it is only a US thing?) Unfortunately, I couldn't really think of anything except this:

"The way I see it is, people should never
order a Mocha Mocha Light or a Carmel Carmel Light Frappacino.
It makes them sound fucking retarded."
-Courtney Heberling
Barista

Okay, so maybe that's a little harsh. It is really annoying when people do that, though. Clearly there is a distinction on the menu between the Mocha and the Mocha Light. They are two different things. I cannot tell you how many times I have had this conversation with people. It is always the same, right down from how stupidly confident they are when they order the non-existent drink, to the bewilderment in the eyes when you ask for the 500th time, "I'm sorry, do you want the Mocha or the Mocha Light? They are two different things." You can tell they've probably never been to a Starbucks, either, because, c'mon ... Starbucks would never give a drink such a cutesy name. The closest thing we have to a cutesy-name drink is the Vanilla Bean Frappacino, which isn't even really that cutesy, but "bean" is a funny word. I just feel ridiculous every time I say it, but that's my own issue.

Anyway, obviously that wouldn't fly with Starbucks. However, I'm sure somebody at the top would agree with me. I still have to think of something to submit, though, because you never know. It's like the New York Lotto that way.